TYLAR + SETH MARRIED. RICHMOND WEDDING AT FOXHALL WITH ANNMARIE SWIFT

Tylar was a bride I just clicked with. From the rental choices for the reception space to what kind of veil she chose to wear down the aisle, Tylar and I were on the same wavelength every step of the way and Foxhole Clubhouse here in Richmond was the perfect backdrop for her vision. I originally was only supposed to provide full service florals for this event, but I was ecstatic when I got the chance to design and plan Tylar's entire wedding day. And I was lucky enough to have worked alongside the wonderful Annmarie Swift for this one. It was the coldest day in April (we actually got flurries during hair and makeup!) but that didn't stop it from being the happiest day ever for this One Sweet Bride and Groom. A huge shout out to my assistant Caroline and my sweet husband Chris for pulling it all together. We worked day and night for this one y'all and our worked paid off big time. 

Happy Thursday sweet friends, enjoy every bit of this gorgeous wedding! 

Tylar's bouquet was made out of the prettiest early Spring peonies, Juliet garden roses, and hot pink and yellow ranunculus. She wore a gorgeous ivory lace BHLDN dress with a stunning custom veil. 

Congratulations again Seth and Tylar! 

Venue- Foxhall Richmond Virginia and Derbyshire Baptist Church Richmond, Virginia. Catering- Baker's Crust. Dress- BHLDN. Hair and Makeup- Hello Darling Beauty. Cake- Pearl's Bake Shoppe. Entertainment- Choice Entertainment. Bridesmaid Dresses- Tulle and Chantilly. Ribbon- Ruffled Lane. 

3 REASONS TO MEET IN PERSON FOR CONSULTATIONS.

Since starting One Sweet Day in May, Meeting clients one-on-one for that initial consultation has become imperative to my business and for me, has been the way I have booked the most clients. I've had phone calls, Skype sessions, email chains, and through time and looking back on what events I booked and events I did not, I have booked every bride, but one that I met with. Though some wedding pros prefer to have that first consolations over the phone and for very good reasons, I always request an in person meeting if applicable and today I'm going to tell you 3 reasons I love to meet in person and why and give you a peak inside my process.  

1. YOUR CLIENT EXPERIENCE STARTS HERE.

My business is experience based and that starts before I even talk about floral visions, pricing, and design details. Meeting in person allows me the opportunity to start that relationship and my wedding experience off right every time. My venue of choice for that first consultation is Starbucks. I find the atmosphere to be so welcoming and homey and it really sets the tone for how I want a bride to feel from beginning to end. (Thanks Starbies!) I like to find out as many details about their wedding before we meet so I can know what I'm jumping into and can be prepared. I find out their drink/coffee of choice early on too and love to have it waiting for them with a little surprise when they walk in the door. Usually that surprise is a flower they told me they love or a ribbon tied around their drink in a wedding color. If the meeting is at their home, then I make sure to bring a wedding magazine with me to gift to the bride. My client experience is already off to a wonderful start and without much of an investment from me. 

During that first meeting, the bride can get to know me just as much as I can get to know her. Finding out if we are a good fit is essential to both parties. I like to bring my portfolio and my iPad for our discussion and for inspiration. Because I have not booked the bride yet, this first meeting is all about the bigger picture (think guest count, wedding party information, and colors) and not so much about specific ideas and details. You do not want a bride to leave with all of your ideas and then email you back in a week saying they met someone who can do the "same" work for cheaper. (Which is whole other post and why my proposals are not typically specific and itemized as well. The detailed work and exacts are brought to life once they book) Brides should not leave with specifics. They should leave thinking that you are a great fit for their vision and want to work with YOU. 

2. CREATES TRUST.

Throughout the planning process I meet with my brides several times for multiple design chats, venue walkthroughs, and rental meetings. Meeting them for the first time at our consultation means we already have an established relationship before the important decisions have to be made and the bride is more likely to trust my opinions and feel comfortable making changes and adjustments with me. I've said it since the beginning, my brides become my friends and that is really because of my experience based business and curating these relationships right from the start.

First impressions are everything, but that top shelf level of attention and attentiveness needs to continue once they have booked with you. When you have an experienced based process everything becomes so much more fluid and that trust is there. If one thing goes awry (like a certain flower not being available one week before their wedding.) but you have created a friendship with that bride throughout the planning period, then that one problem is not going to derail that client's perception of you and your business and they are likely to understand and tell you they trust you to do whatever you think is best. (Trust me this has happened on more than one occasion) Now, if you haven't curated a relationship with your bride and just booked them, written a few emails back and forth, and never put any effort into getting to know them and something goes wrong, chances are they will be upset and blame you. Then you're scrambling to make it right in fears of bad reviews or word of mouth. 

3. IT'S A JOURNEY

A client experience based business that starts from that get-go is so beneficial to both you and your bride. And for me, it all starts at that first in- person consultation and doesn't end until the bride is looking like this at the end of her incredible wedding...For a bride it's a journey and that's what I believe your time with her should be looked at as. Bride's care just as much about the little things as they do the big things and showing up to their first consultation with you where you welcome them, get to know them, and have a few surprises up your sleeve goes a long way. And a happy bride is more than likely to tell her friends and family about her incredible experience with you and that just may lead to referrals and more lovely engaged ladies heading your way. 

Photo by my dear friend Annmarie Swift 

Warmly,

Michelle 

OUR MISCARRIAGE STORY.

I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for the words "there is no heartbeat" or the words the doctor speaks about how your baby isn't growing as expected, or the worst line, "this pregnancy will not continue." I was 7 weeks along with no signs of anything being wrong. That first ultrasound appointment was supposed to be the best day. It turned into the worst and it came without warning. We were told to come back in a week and then we would know for sure. The doctor thought maybe our dates were off - they weren't. I thought maybe they just couldn't see the baby because I have a tilted uterus- that wasn't it- even though Google told me it was. We got in the car after that first appointment and I lost it. Chris kept saying that we were coming back in a week so I shouldn't lose hope, but I knew. I couldn't breathe, my mind was racing. Uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. Our appointment was at 9am and we were back in the car at 9:30. Our whole world turned upside down in less than 30 minutes. How? The amount of emotional pain I felt that day was unbearable. And sitting in our 90 degree garage were 40 unopened boxes of flowers for the biggest wedding of my year the next day. I bypassed them, went upstairs, threw up from the stress, and climbed into bed. Chris didn't know what to do. he put a blanket over me and lay next to me. I felt so lost. Our positive pregnancy tests were still on the bathroom counter and all I kept thinking about was the day we found out we were going to be parents. It was May 10th and after being begged by a close friend to take a pregnancy test, I took 2 and those faint pink lines showed up right away. I ran downstairs and basically shoved them in Chris' face. "Do you see them!?" I asked. (more like screamed) He did. He saw them too. I was noticeably shaking and told him we were pregnant and he gave my the biggest bear hug. Our fertility journey was supposed to be a long one. All kinds of doctors- OBGYN's, Endocrinologists, Reproductive Endocrinologists thought for sure this would be an uphill battle for us. But there we were standing in the downstairs bathroom hugging in disbelief that they were wrong. We took a digital test that night and recorded the moment it popped up with "pregnant" I will always treasure that little video. Our baby was going to be born in January. How perfect was that?! No weddings and a joyful thought at how special our last Christmas would be just the two of us later this year. 

 Life was painting a pretty incredible picture for us and I was so thankful. The pregnancy symptoms came right away and I welcomed them with open arms. The last month was truly the happiest. We didn't tell many people. Really just Chris' parents and a few close friends because we knew miscarriage could be a possibility, but I really didn't think we'd be a part of those terrible statistics. The only things we bought were baby moccasins (that matched Dad's) and a football hat since the baby would be born right around playoffs. They now sit in a drawer downstairs and I don't think I will ever be able to look at them again. 

Our follow up appointment was on June 9th and I had the biggest lump in my throat walking into the ultrasound room. I almost didn't want to be there. I didn't think I could handle it. And with Chris squeezing my hand we knew within seconds that we were looking at the same thing. Our baby had died weeks prior and my pregnancy would not continue. We headed into our fertility doctor's office and I wanted everyone to leave. I wanted to be alone. And although I held myself together for our conversation with our doctor, I was screaming inside. Everything tuned so medical and technical and inside my heart was breaking into a million pieces and I felt like I was dying. I became a mother at the first sight of those pink lines, thoughts of names and nursery colors flooded my mind and in one moment it was all taken away. We didn't just lose a baby. We lost first steps, christmas mornings, loose teeth, and birthdays. We'll never know what our baby was going to look like or what their personality was going to be. Would he or she have my terrible singing skills?, Chris' photogenic smile?, brown eyes or blue? And here we were talking about how to go about ending these curiosities and dreams. Our doctor went on to explain why I was still having pregnancy symptoms. The baby had stopped growing, but the gestational sac and placenta had not and they are the things that create the pregnancy hormone HCG which gives you symptoms. My body was tricking me and I was experiencing something called a missed miscarriage. I was all of a sudden a statistic... pushed into this club that no woman wants to be a part of. I prayed for it to change right there in our doctor's office (and a million more times since then). With all his plaques on the wall, a trophy from Men's Health naming him Man of the Year 2007-  Our amazing doctor could fix this right?! No, no one can fix this. I am now 1 out of 5 or in the 20% of pregnancies that end in miscarriage. 1% being missed miscarriages. I was given three options to go forward. The first being a surgical procedure called D&C (no thanks), the second was to wait naturally which both my OBGYN and RE said could take weeks since the gestational sac was still growing, or the third option which I ended up taking was a medically induced miscarriage via a series of pills. Three options and no good choice. Our baby was gone and my body was still holding on, similarly to my heart. The pills weren't supposed to work right away, I was told it would take a few rounds and possibly longer than a week for them to do their job. I got the ok for the pills the day after our last ultrasound and I couldn't bring myself to pick them up from the pharmacy. I believed the doctors, but for some reason I just couldn't take them right away and get rid of something that was so beautiful and made us so happy for 8 weeks. I finally picked them up Sunday morning (my birthday) and because I was informed that the first day I would feel nothing, I took the first 2. Well, I guess my body is different because they worked and by midnight I had passed (sorry tmi) all the crazy stuff. Yes, it was very painful. The doctor gave my Percocet to get through it and Chris bought me the world's best heating pad. And weirdly, in the moments after the "pregnancy contents" came out, I didn't feel pregnant anymore and that was really hard to take in. It was a terrible empty feeling of it actually being over. I had known for days that this was going to end, but in that moment in the middle of the night, it was real. I was no longer pregnant and it was my 31st birthday. (Of all days.) 

 I will never unknow what it feels like to be told your baby will not be born. The words the doctor said will be forever ingrained in my memory. The past almost 2 weeks have been the most painful, devastating, confusing, heartbreaking, and loneliest weeks I have ever lived. I wish love was enough to help a baby grow, but I learned that it's not and even though you can do all the right things and believe everything is perfect, sometimes it's not. I have cried more tears than ever in my life and have been the loneliest I have been. But over the last almost 2 weeks, I've somehow gained acceptance. Acceptance that this is part of our journey and that we will get through this. This has forever altered me and in time I am sure I will see the good ways this has changed our life. I truly believe there is a silver lining in learning your own strength. And that wedding I had the day after our first ultrasound, it got done and it was beautiful. And I'm so thankful for that wedding in a way because it taught me to keep going. Which funny enough is my phrase of the year. Who knew it would have such deep and profound meaning half way through 2016. 

Chris has been my rock through all of this. You never really understand the words "in good times or bad" until you're faced with truly sad or difficult times. I've had to keep reminding myself that this isn't just happening to me, it's both of us. I've learned that we both grieve differently and we both have to tell each other what we need from one another because we're not mind readers. We've learned a lot about our marriage the last two weeks and I'm thankful that this has made it stronger. I feel that there will be times in life where you are shown exactly why you were given this other person to do all of life's things with and I'm so glad to have to the person I do. 

I'm not super religious, but in a weird way this has brought me closer to God. I'm not angry at Him for taking our baby, it gives me comfort to know we will meet our little one in heaven one day. And I'm holding on to the thought that God's plan is better than our own even though we can't see it or understand. Miscarriage is death, but it's not a normal death like a family member, friend, or pet where you have others grieving with you. It's a lonely pain. A pain that you go through with just your husband. Miscarriage brings with it all the agonizing grief that comes with losing a loved one, but there are no funerals, no memorials, and you don't get sympathy cards. Instead everyone's lives go on as normal after you tell them the sad news when it's so hard for you to just get dressed in the morning. 

I'm so thankful for brave women putting their stories out there because it's helped me so much. That's why I am sharing our story today. Believe me, it took some time to decide to write this all out. (and I'm guessing if you're reading this I hit the publish button) But in the end, if this helps one person know they are not alone, then it's worth it. I also wanted to honor our baby with sharing our story. Chris and I both believed that it would help us grieve if we honored the life we created. Chris and I were going to wait until our baby's birth to find out the gender, but early on we had a inkling that this baby was a boy. I don't really know why, it was just a deep feeling we had. Chris loves the name Alexander and even though for the past month I have fought him on it, Alexander has such a meaningful connection to this baby that we agreed that is what his name is. And even if it's silly, it makes me feel better knowing that we have a son named Alexander in heaven. And though I still have days (like today) where everything hurts and I don't think the pain will ever go away, I know that it won't be like this forever. I think the key is to find a balance between giving yourself the time you need to grieve and be sad, but remember to keep going one day at a time until those days turn into weeks and the weeks into months when finally the pain dulls and the tears dry up. 

For now I want to celebrate baby A and the short time that he brought us the most happiness I have ever felt. And for that happiness I am so thankful. And I just want you to know if this has happened to you that you are not alone. The conversation about miscarriage needs to stop being so taboo and it needs to start happening. Women shouldn't have to suffer in silence. 

Alexander, you are so loved. 

Warmly,

Michelle