OUR BABY JOURNEY

This post isn't about a recent wedding, a business topic, or a recap of a trip. There are no pretty pictures and no flowers anywhere on this page...but TODAY April 20th, 2016 is here and it's a day that I have been counting down to for quite sometime. However, I'm not sure if I've been counting down in excitement or out of sheer terror. See today is our very first infertility appointment. A big day in this house. I know we are doing the right thing, but I can't help but feel nauseous and anxious and emotional.... This year was supposed to look a lot different. It was supposed to be all about starting our family and I never thought it would be through the help of endocrinologists and reproductive endocrinologists. But I guess one never thinks that will be how it goes. The past year has been setting the scene for how my baby journey will go and when I say scene I mean more of the mountain ahead of us that just gets getting steeper. It hasn't been pretty and it's involved more needles than I care to think about and more tears than I'd like to admit and it has all lead to taking the leap today. 

If you read my Why blog you'll know that I never thought I would get married. The same was for starting a family. After a tumultuous childhood, having children of my own didn't seem like the best idea. I didn't grow up around normalcy. Therefore in my head, I didn't want to put my own children through that and repeat the cycle of my childhood. I learned I was different though. I am not my past and slowly over the last 5 years I've known that I want to be a mother more than anything. I thought what everyone thinks...that I would be the girl who would get off of birth control try for a few months and bam! baby time...2016 was my year and I really hope it still is. Being told you might never be able to get pregnant or hearing the words "it will take years" from doctors is a hard pill to swallow and takes your mind to scary places. It's a lonely thing to think about. Especially when everyone around you is announcing pregnancies, it really makes you think that there is something wrong with you. 

And that's really really tough.

Though it seems like the beginning of our baby journey, to me it's a new chapter. The story began about a year ago...

 Last year around this time something was off, I gained weight like crazy, was so exhausted that I had to nap every afternoon, and had the strangest muscle aches, and the cherry on top was I hadn't ovulated for 4 months. I chalked it up to getting older (hello 30!) and starting a business. Adulting is hard, am I right? Turns out my naps and absence of aunt flow weren't just a normal side effect of a busy life...

 I was referred to an Endocrinologist and was officially diagnosed with PCOS and Hypothyroidism. Ok I thought, let's get this fixed and figured out. Through meds and visiting with my endocrinologist every 3 months we were super hopeful that by March of this year we'd have the all clear to start trying. However, not ovulating or having a monthly cycle at all will throw a wrench in your plans and your heart when it hasn't happened month after month. 

Fast forward to January of this year and month 13 of no ovulation. My doctor ran a few extra tests of my pituitary gland (which is in your brain) Women with PCOS have a tendency to have pituitary issues so it made sense to do a few extra investigations. Once the tests came back it showed my prolactin level was very high. Prolactin is a pregnancy hormone and in a non-pregnant women who wants to get pregnant it cannot be high. It basically kills your chances at getting pregnant. It's the reason 90% of breastfeeding women can't get pregnant right after having a baby. And the most common reason for a high prolactin is a non-cancerous pituitary tumor. An MRI was scheduled shortly after and I almost wanted my doctor to test my prolactin again because I thought for sure it was just a fluke. I couldn't possibly have a growth in my brain, right? Like doesn't she want to double check that it really is that high?! 

Sure enough, the MRI confirmed there was indeed a tumor on my pituitary gland...A little shocking to hear and the words "I have a brain tumor" played in my head for days. But as I tell my friends and family, even if there was nothing there, my prolactin level would still need to come down. So either way, it was an issue. I guess the thing that breaks me down the most is that it seems like once one issue is under control another one pops up. Insert big sigh here.

I started "brain tumor shrinking" medication (very technical) about a month ago and therefore March was out of the question. A reality that broke  my heart a little...So here we are on hold and waiting for what our specialist will say today. Will he give us the green light to start treatments or will the waiting continue?...A girl that hasn't ovulated, with PCOS, hypothyroidism, and a pituitary tumor causing high prolactin levels isn't exactly a great recipe for getting pregnant. I think I may throw up in the office today, I'm so nervous. Chris has promised me milkshakes right after we leave the center, so there's that I guess. The silver lining on what feels like a life altering appointment...

So welcome to the first installment of our baby journey series. A series that I quite honestly hope won't be a long one. You may be wondering why I'm starting a series on such a personal issue in my life. And that's a great question! private details will not be shared because yes, this is a super personal topic. But, I want to blog this journey because I feel like this isn't discussed a lot and I don't like that. I don't like that it's a lonely place to be and I'd like to change that if only in some small way. I want to blog this to let women know that getting help with fertility is ok. It's scary and daunting and evasive, but it's ok. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you and being informed about what is going on with your body is always a good thing. If something feels off, get it checked out! And if you see your doctor before you start trying, get them to test your thyroid hormone levels. They are imperative to early pregnancy and it drives me crazy that more doctors don't test "when nothing seems wrong." 

I also want to document this journey to be informative, to be honest and real with you. I want to encourage those who are also having to put their baby journey on hold or having a hard time getting pregnant. I understand that there are countless women who are going through way worse than me and have had a journey that has lasted years. This is just my little story and part of sharing it is kind of like therapy to me. Something I can look back on with each new chapter.

I'm not sure how often I will blog about this, but I will keep a journal of sorts. I feel like so much of our lives is thinking about the future. So much so that we forget a lot to look at where we are right now...and right now is a beautiful place to be. There may not be a baby in that upstairs nursery for quite sometime, but I'm going to love this season of life. (maybe not the needles, testings, and medications) but I don't want to look back on this time and just see tears and sadness. I want to look back and see that Chris and I took advantage of this "extra" time with just the two of us. We've started a Baby Journey Bucket List to remind us to live in the moment. It's nothing fancy and nothing extreme. It includes things like little weekend getaways (on non-wedding weekends of course) cooking together, and house projects. And something I thought about the other day when I ordered Emily Ley's Baby Book including the infertility pack. (Isn't she the best) is that our baby's story has already begun. And one way or another through a normal pregnancy or otherwise, I'll get to share his or her story of where they began. The tears (so many tears y'all), the hoping, the test results, the little wins, and the speed bumps are a part of their story and documenting it is something that makes my heart happy. 

So we're here, ready and waiting for you little baby and we can't wait to tell you someday all about your story and journey to us...however long that may take. 

Warmly,

Michelle 

6 TIPS TO GET FEATURED

Styled Shoots seem to be my love language huh? I talk about them non-stop and today I'm focusing on the all important submission. We spend so much time and money creating bridal inspiration and submitting to blogs such as Ruffled and Style Me Pretty can be nerve-wracking! Getting a no here and there is going to happen no matter what- it sucks, but the great things is there are dozens and dozens of great blogs out there to get featured on so you can just try somewhere else! Hooray! I wanted to share some tips that I've learned over the past year of being a part of and putting on editorial shoots. Keep in mind the smaller blogs too! Of course to get that yes from blogs like Style Me Pretty and and 100 Layer Cake is so exciting, but sometimes the smaller blogs give you better exposure. You stay on their front page longer and in turn getter more traffic to your website.

These are little tips to help you get that yes from editors. My tips focus on online weddings blogs and print submissions may be a little but different, but regardless these are the 5 things I think about when a Styled Shoot is on the schedule. 

Photo by Alicia Lacey Photography.

1. DETAILS

When it comes to details, blogs love them! Portraits of brides and grooms are of course stunning, but blogs really (and I mean really) love details. The paper products, accessories,  the dessert table, the table settings- all are so important. My tip? Make your details unique yet not so out there. Blogs love things that are creative and different but that real brides can attain. 

2. BE UNIQUE 

I've said this before, but it's so important. With the abundance of styled shoots happening everywhere we look, you have to stand out. Think outside the box and make an idea your own. The same things seem to be done repeatedly. Be fresh and use that creative brain of yours! I think as a general rule, you should be your own self in this industry. It benefits everyone. Show that unique side in a styled shoot. it's the perfect platform to be you.  

3. VERTICAL IMAGES

Allow for the majority of your images to be vertical. Editors love to pair images and verticals alway look better on a webpage layout. You have to style and and shoot your designs for a submission. Keep that in mind. 

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Photo by Courtney Morgan Photo. Ribbon by Ruffled Lane.

4. FOLLOW BLOG RULES

Each and every blog has it's own set of procedures for blog submissions whether it's through their site directly, two bright lights, or through a gallery link. Be sure to check with the site you are submitting and follow each direction perfectly. It makes it so much easier for the editors and staff involved and you're more likely to get that yes. 

5. CREATE A STORY

This is my favorite tip. When I start an idea for a shoot, I think about a story. Readers of blogs want to see a story created through your images. For one, it makes your editorial more relatable. Brides want to be able to see themselves in this beautiful setting you are creating. Stories can be told in so many different ways. Through beautiful meaningful  details, the bride and grooms models, the setting. The options are endless and can really make you stand out. 

6. YOUR SUBMISSION TEXT 

Tell the editors all the things! What was your vision going into this shoot, tell them about the details, the flowers, the DIY elements, Tell them your story! 

Another tip, the more vendors involved (the more URLS) the better your chances! Be sure to credit every vendor too! This seems like it would be obvious, but sometimes a vendor gets overlooked especially with sneak peaks on social media. It's time consuming to get every vendor tag and double check you didn't forget anyone, but it's oh so important. No one wants anyone's feelings to get hurt. Make list of everyone involved with their names, business names, social media handles, and website. Once you comply your list, email it to everyone on board so everyone can easily credit everyone when posting.

Good luck sweet friends, just remember to be your true self and make an idea your own. Be intentional and use shoots to express your style and set yourself apart. 

Warmly,

Michelle 

MY WHY

The smallest title for probably the most meaningful blog post I've ever written. 

Welcome back to the blog friends. It's been a while hasn't it? I've taken some time away from this little space and it was MUCH needed. I felt like I was just blogging to blog a couple of months ago and I didn't have a clear vision of where I wanted my little corner of the internet to go. I fell in love with writing here last year, but a path was needed (as well as a carefully curated blog calendar) and guys, I'm back for good. We're kicking off all new blog posts today with an important one. If you follow me over on IG, you'll know I was at Creative at Heart Round 4 in Maryland last weekend and I always leave that conference on a high filled with motivation and a positive outlook on this little business. There was just something about round 4 that made it such a special experience for me. Every CAH does that, but this one just had that boom about it.

Image by Andrea Pesce Photography.

This post I'm about to write stems from Tiffany Farley's speech from this past weekend and all the way back to Bonnie's speech last November in Charleston at CAH round 3. It's about building a business and brand around your why. Basically we all want our businesses to be profitable because there are bills to be paid y'all. But that's not your why. It's not my why and it really shouldn't be anyone's reason for wanting to start their own business. 

So what is my why? Well, it's something I've never shared before ever to anyone really. Chris is my reason for starting creating centerpieces on our kitchen island, but why did I turn it into an actual business? Why do I love to invest in each couple of mine and be a part of the biggest day of their lives? For starters, I never thought I would get married. I was always a relationship girl (6 year high school sweetheart, 4 year relationship before Chris) but I never thought I would be the one in the white dress with every detail perfect, and having a grand sparkler exit of most girl's dreams. I know it sound silly, but I really did think that that was for other girls, not me. See, I didn't have the greatest childhood. I won't go into too much detail as much of it is too personal for me to share here, but growing up was difficult for me. I was the girl who after years of a terrible home experience started high school and basically lived with friends because I didn't want to go home. I was the girl who was parent-less at graduations because they didn't feel like coming. I was the girl that couldn't have opinions at home because they were always wrong. I was the girl who tried to hold her head up high while her home life was crumbling. Family was not a word I associated with happiness or safety. It was a burden and something I just had to deal with. My extended family is all overseas, so I didn't have an aunt or uncle or grandmother to turn to. I just had me and some rather wonderful friends who will forever be special to me. They got me through. I knew what was happening in their houses was normal and I remember thinking at about age 15 that maybe one day I would have a functioning home life like them. Maybe. Then, 10 years later I met Chris. Life as I knew it changed. And with him came this great big family that treated me as one of their own. I had a mother for the first time that I could just call and say hello and ask advice for. (Hi Kathy!) And for the first time marriage seemed like it might be in the cards for me. And it was. On September 20th, 2014 I made Chris my forever. I actually got my happy ending and the word family became the happiest of words and the most important thing in the world to me. (insert dancing lady emoji here) 

So my why comes from my past. Creating beautiful florals for a bride and her family is a way for me to celebrate something that I never thought I would have. I put a little bit of my heart into every bouquet because as I'm making it, I'm thinking to myself. This is the last thing a bride will hold on to before becoming a wife. And as Mary Marantz would say, THAT MATTERS. There not just roses or peonies or dahlias, they are little parts of a girl who uses this business to celebrate how far she has come in life and gets to love on others because of what she went through. And that little girl inside from 20 years ago is beaming inside of her. My favorite part of a wedding day? Walking into a bridal suite with the most stunning of brides surrounded by her family and friends and I get to hand over her bouquet. Something that has been curated just for her and her story. They are not just flowers, and each wedding is not just another wedding to check off on my calendar. Each one is so meaningful to me.

And now you know why. 

Warmly,

Michelle