I’ve been a mom now for 21 months and there’s a lot I didn’t know going into this whole parenthood thing. So today I thought I’d do a little mama blog for those new mamas out there. There’s no sugar coating here, I’m being straight up honest about things no one tells you.
1.breastfeeding is hard always
Not just the first few weeks. It’s hard the entire time you decide to breastfeed. Sure the pain will subside, but you’ll never stop guessing if your baby is getting enough, stop stressing about pumping enough, stressing about engorgement, thinking people are judging you when you breastfeed in public (though you will stop caring what people think) Breastfeeding is a commitment and it’s hard day 1 and hard one year later.
2.you’ll never know what substance is all over you, and you probably won’t care
No one told me just how gross my clothes would be all the time. I never know if I’m covered in poop, pee, baby food, breastmilk, formula, snot, drool, or my own tears. Probably all of them all the time.
3.You’ll think you’re going bald
You hear about postpartum hair loss, but no one really tells you how bad it is. I was shocked I didn’t go bald. If anyone looks at my google history there will be a ridiculous amount of searches pertaining to hair loss…How can piles and piles of hair come out of my head each time I shower or brush my hair and I not be bald? Amazing. Also, people don’t tell you that postpartum regrowth takes 17 years and you’ll be dealing with not so cute bang looking things around your hairline forever.
4.Your friendships with your non-mom friends will change and for the worst
It’s true and I had no idea. Your friendships with those friends will be different and it sucks. You’re in different seasons that don’t exactly line up right now. Your list of things in common has shrunk and it’s really hard to come face to face with.
5. Even if you’re exclusively breastfeeding, your period may come back surprisingly early
TA-DA! If you ever wondered how Caleb came to be! Caroline was a fertility baby and Caleb was a big fat wonderful surprise. On top of just going through fertility treatments, I was exclusively breastfeeding every 2 hours…Just sayin’. Doctors talk to you about birth control for a reason. No one told me this and now I’m living the glorious Irish twin life. But seriously, it’s the best.
6. You’ll be out-touched (poor hubby)
You’ll be holding a baby all day and all night and the magical moments that the baby falls asleep in their own space will be so freeing. The thought of your husband touching you those first few months will fee daunting and make you feel guilty- as if you had anymore brain space to take up. Not being touched is like a mini vacation. This was something I thought would be a reality the first few weeks, but honestly it lasts a very long time…
7. Mom shaming and judging is real and you’ll be guilty too
There I said it. You’ll be guilty of this too. You’ll hate mom shaming, but you’ll be chatting on the phone or texting a mom friend about something so-in-so is doing with their baby and you’ll judge the crap out of them. It’s natural. It doesn’t make it ok and at the end of the day you’ll know that every mom is just doing their best, but you’ll have moments of your own mom-shaming. I never thought I would, but I’m being honest here. I think you’re always told that other moms judge and that you won’t- YOU WILL.
8. That it’s ok to still be you
We’re told over and over again that life will never be the same and everything will change. It’s true, totally true. However, I wish people would tell you that it’s ok to still be you. To still go and get your nails done for an hour or have dinner with your friends. It’s ok to keep some of your pre-kiddo identity. In fact, I think it makes you a better mother. Can we start telling new moms this, please?
9. To be IN the photos
No one tells you to BE IN THE PHOTOS. And not just your newborn session where you have makeup on and a flattering maxi dress, tell your husband, mom, or friend who’s visiting to take photos of you and your baby in the normal and mundane moments. Sure, your hair hasn’t been washed and you'r clothes are covered in the pre-mentioned gross stuff but it doesn’t matter. Be in the photos, mama.
10. That any and all germs feel like the end of the world.
When anyone touches or holds your baby or comes within 25 feet (and I mean anyone outside of the maybe 3-4 people you have the all clear) You’ll be screaming inside. I feel that people tell you that you’ll ask people to wash their hands or stay home if you’re sick, but no one tells you that you’ll become a maniac and will be able to sense a runny nosed person 5 miles away or become psychic and know when someone is about to cough in the same room. The first time your baby gets sick you will feel like a complete failure and call the on-call nurse line a dozen times and you’ll freak out thinking your baby has caught some exotic virus when it’s really just a cold. That’s ok though, you’re mama bear now-trust that gut. Call the doctor as much as you want those first few months. I’ll say don’t google, but you will-and that’s ok. Also, no one ever tells you how many complete strangers will think it’s totally appropriate to touch and/or hold your baby. It’s shocking.
11. You’ll hate toys
I feel like you’re told you’ll love all the cute toys…wrong. You’ll have a handful you don’t mind but the rest, they are the enemy that takes over your home. That you’ll spend hours researching how to best organize, and you’ll step on every 5 minutes. By the time your baby’s first birthday rolls around, you’ll be asking close friends how to politely put “don’t bring a toy as a gift” on the party invitation.
12. When your baby starts solids, it’s terrifying
How come no one ever tells you that your baby will literally choke about 3 times per week when they start solid foods? I had never heard this before, but it’s so stressful letting them try new foods. I had never been told what to look for with gagging or that that was a thing…
13. That babies only wear onesies for basically the first 6 months of life.
All those super cute tutus or collared button down shirts? Yeah, babies only wear footies pj’s and onesies basically the first 6 months. I can’t tell you how many outfits I bought for Caroline before she was born that still have the tag on. Onesies are where it’s at. Save the cute outfits for 6 months +. Also, zippered onesie. You’re welcome.
14. THAT BABIES SLEEP A TON THAT FIRST WEEK HOME (BUT NOT AT NIGHT)
Ok, you always here how you’ll never get any sleep…but NO ONE tells you that you’ll literally be calling your pediatrician asking how to wake up your 4 day old to breastfeed…I can’t believe they let you leave the hospital not telling you this.
15. the amount of time you’ll be looking at photos of your baby.
When you finally get your baby to sleep and you have some time to decompress, yeah you’ll be scrolling through your phone watching videos you’ve taken and looking at every photo of them. I literally have Instagram videos playing on my phone as I write this.
16. How common postpartum depression and anxiety is and that’s ok to get help.
It’s ok to see a doctor if you are not feeling yourself and it’s past the baby-blues timeframe. It does not make you any less of a mother or a bad mother. It makes you a great one that you are brave enough to help yourself. People don’t say this enough. It’s ok to not be ok and you’ll be surprised by how many other new mom’s are going through exactly the same things.
17. That it’s ok to not know what you’re doing or not to love being a mother right away.
News flash, no one knows what they are doing and something that works for one baby is probably not going to work for yours. One day at a time mama, you’re doing a great job! Also, not feeling those overwhelming feelings of love towards your baby right away? Yep, normal. People always say your life instantly changes for the better when that baby’s placed in your arms, but no one says that a lot of the time that doesn’t happen right away.
Warmly,
Michelle